Slacking

Published on the 4th of September, 2026

Being a slacker sucks. There's a lot of stuff that I'd love to do. Projects to work on, things to experience, stuff I'd like to draw, skills to learn, goals to achieve both short and long term. But sometimes, I just don't feel like doing such, as if something within me is pulling me away from my desires.

Buncha books I'm willing to read? "Maybe later."
A new game I'd like to play? "I should get into it eventually." or "I should get back into it."
Wanting to draw something? "I'm still taking a break from Art Fight."
Learn more about 3d modelling or how to code? "Maybe when I'm in the right mood."
It really irks me the way stuff like this comes into my mind every time I think about doing something.

It's easy to avoid looking at video games as an obligation when you ditch the backlog and the mindset of needing to finish a game to move onto the next one, and doing so made me way more appreciative of video games knowing I can just take in more of what I'm playing. Though that may come at the cost of having the constant feeling of "I should get back into that game" or "I should actually play it since it's been in my Steam library for so long".
Constantly having these thoughts every time I'm reminded of a game I haven't played one way or another without doing anything about it tells me that something's wrong. It's likely a problem sourced from having a big library of games, whether it'd be games I purchased or ;).
I think what helped push past that thought is to actually play whatever's in my library instead of letting it collect (virtual) dust. Not only that, but limiting the amount of games I play at a would help since I've had a bad habit of jumping from one game to another and inevitably shelving them all.

I like doing art, plenty of creative endeavors in fact, but sometimes it can be hard to be motivated to do such. I usually try giving myself a moment to do some sketching to get into the mood and practice, whether it'd be on Krita at home, or a sketchbook out in public (or at home too).
However, I either end up being slow with coming up with what to draw or my mind ends up drawing a blank and I end up doing something else instead. It's weird that despite having plenty of OCs, I still end up getting art block one way or another.
Though the last few times I did some sketching, I had a good time. Whether it'd be figuring out new OCs, drawing characters for practice, or even trying to go out of my comfort zone.
Even then, I've been less likely to do high-effort pieces in recent time (as of this entry). My productivity peaks during Art Fight since I've got hella momentum when doing several attacks, sometimes once or twice a day, or even three in one day! Post-ArtFight season though, my motivation ended up flat-lining. At worst I could be demotivated, but looking at the half-full glass, it could just be that I have additional hobbies I tend to. Video game modding, working on my website, I even have a job now.

Speaking of my website,
my website.
Not only do I have my own curated site without having to put all my eggs into a social media basket, but also I get to learn something new, which happens to be HTML and CSS (maybe javascript one day lol).
There are many elements of my website that could appear dated to anyone viewing it, maybe you thought something was off when looking at my site at some point, so the logical thing to do would be updating it. I come back to the codebase with a fresh mind and find some ways to make improvements while also learning many nuances about HTML/CSS.
Problem is though, that the desire to work on my website comes and goes. And if that goes, then it's back to scrolling (at worst). Which can also be said about learning new skills like new programming languages (might be relevant).

One day, I wanted to learn a few programming languages since I found myself pretty familiar with HTML and wanted to try something new. I've already knew basic programming logic like variables and if/else events, and hell even my brain could be a programming language of its own. I decided to limit myself to just Python and C++ since that could help narrow my scope, but for some reason I could barely stomach the learning curve of learning a new programming language.
It feels like something's gone wrong if I'm unable to actually learn a programming language myself, maybe I wasn't in the right headspace. I've definitely been in a scenario like this before, considering I found Blender to be super daunting until I found my way around just by doing. I learned how to use Blender by making custom models for Pikmin 2, so who knows, maybe the learning by doing mindset could apply to code via practice. Just you wait, Python.

It may be suck to find myself stuck in the "I'll do it later" mindset, but It's still possible to combat it.
I recognize that taking my time or doing things one at a time can make me more focused and actually do what I want to do instead of juggling between so much stuff that I end up getting overwhelmed enough to take a two hour nap.
It's also pretty easy to combat the thought of "maybe later" by simply just doing what I'd do, but sometimes I'll be thinking "maybe later" again, and before you know it I'll end up shackled by a hundred "maybe later"s. Sickening.
Maybe being shackled by "maybe later"s is better than the opposite extreme where I'd try to maximize productivity and become a burnt out mess of a person. I don't have to blaze through my passions or even my goals. After all, Tolkien didn't even start writing his books until he was in his 40s, so it's never too late to commit to my projects. Not to mention, there's no wasted time if the time spent was fun or relaxing.

i'm autistic and relate with an alarming amount of adhd jokes by the way.